Hmmm

Well, I've made it a year in country. Not quite half way done with service as a whole, but it's a mental milestone none the less. If nothing else, hitting the year mark has us starting to think about what to do after peace corps. While this is more pressing now, it's something I've thought about for a good chunk of the time here. But to really explain my current thoughts on this I have to start back before peace corps.

All my life I wanted to go to veterinary school and become a vet. That was it. That was all there was for me. So I followed the necessary steps. I worked at kennels and vet clinics. I enrolled in special summer programs. Most of all I attended a university known for it's animal and life science programs and majored accordingly. Towards the end of my last year, however, I started to get burned out.

Maybe that's not the right word for it, but after almost four years of intense hard science study (I didn't really branch out into other fields until senior year), I was done. I still found it interesting, still do. I like understanding what's going on and understanding the underlying principles of things. But classroom learning was enough.

So, long story short, I joined Peace Corps. After a year of contemplating this, this is where I feel I have deviated from the proscribed path that western society has deemed appropriate for someone of my background and abilities. Whoa! That was kinda new agy rebellious anti establishment rhetoric there, but I'll try to clarify what I mean in the hopes that I don't sound too revolutionary or angst ridden.

Basically, after graduating college, I got impression that I was expected to go to graduate school. That's what most of my peers were doing. That's where most of my friends are now. Barring grad school, the other primary option was to start an entry level position in some industry relevent to my major. In my case, biological sciences being my major, I would be a lab monkey in some research firm probably. Running PCR endlessly until I begin to climb the ladder and eventually do real stuff. I have a lot of friends going down this road too. Many are already doing fun stuff already.

All of this generally coincides with the settling down with a significant other, probably some one met in college, maybe someone new. Either way, time to start thinking about family. Case in point...this seems to be wedding year for most of my friends.

If I sound bitter, I really don't mean to be. I'm very happy that my friends are successful and happy. But it does make you start to think. Where do I fall on this "getting your life together" spectrum.

Well, I graduated college. That's a good start. Then what... oh. Right. I ran away to Africa. Well I must being doing something worthwhile here, right? I'm doing developement work! This is probably one of the most rewarding and growing industries in the new emerging global society. And so much room to progress within the industry. Great resume stuff!

Except...I don't really enjoy developement work. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy what I'm doing here, and it's great to be helping people and learning about a new culture. But I could never work in this industry for a living. So I can confidently say I'm not treating Peace Corps as the above mentioned entry level position type life route.

So...what am I doing. Well, at first I had planned grad school after this but now I think I have a better handle on what I'm after. This may just be me being a rebellious anti establishment 20 something, but I don't really want to be tied down to a career. That is to say, I don't want to be one of those people who can answer the "so what do you do?" question with something starting with "I am a..." I would much rather just do stuff.

Which leads me to my original intention for this post. Right now, my only plans for after peace corps is that whatever I do, it needs to either involve gaming and music, or atleast allow for them. Cause right now I would say those are my two biggest passions and let me tell ya, the middle of West Africa is not a great place for either.

(I seem to have lost the original thread of the post which was supposed to be about how few resources there are for adult beginners in music, but I'll just continue with this and hit that topic some other time.)

I guess my real point is that the western academic system really pushes us in a specific direction. All through high school we're told if you don't do well you won't get into a good college. And in college they push you to do well to get into a good grad school. If not that you get pushed to get high profile internships. And at the same time there is a huge cultural push to start thinking about marriage and family shortly after college. It's a lot of pressure.

And it took me a year in Africa to really see how much of that pressure I was feeling. It's still hard seeing all my friends succeeding in their various lives along those lines. Sometimes I feel like I'm falling behind a little. And I started feeling that even before I finished college cause I kept thinking to myself "what's the rush." And so I would miss deadlines for applications, or I wouldn't bother to write a thesis (shocking I know). But now I realize I just never felt quite in sync with that system. And I'm ok with that.

I'm not really sure if it's the culture here that let me see this ... though there is certainly a similar push for children to do well so they can get into the jobs that have money. Maybe I just needed to see that the world is a diverse place with my own eyes and realize that different people can follow different paths. For atleast the forseeable future, I don't really see any clear career lining up, and that's not what I really want right now anyway. Maybe sometimes I need to be reminded that I'm not actually falling behind. But a little occaisional melancholy as I watch my friends is well worth the comfort of knowing I'm not just blindly following a set course that is clearly not my own.

And this post has officially rambled on long enough, so good night everyone.